It Never Ends
by NobleWriterofWho
Summary: The Doctor was the Last of the Time Lords again. But this time it wasn't her fault...not that that made it any easier. Will she let her fam help her or suffer in silence?
1. Chapter 1

It Never Ends

-NobleWriterofWho

**Author's Note: **This is a one shot written because I just watched season 12's final and am feeling too much, gah. Anyway enjoy!

**Summary:** The Doctor was the Last of the Time Lords again. But this time it wasn't her fault...not that that made it any easier. Will she let her fam help her or suffer in silence?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who **

…...

You know it's funny, the one time she wished the Master had been lying he wasn't. Gallifrey was in ruins. Everyone was dead. Again. Except this time the planet wasn't gone. The Doctor could visit whenever she liked. Not that she had the strength to do that-to see it again. But she could if she wanted to which hadn't been a possibility the last time. She shuddered. It had all been for nothing. She's saved Gallifrey only for the Master to burn it. He hadn't spared anyone. All those children-

She pulled herself out of her troubled thoughts and back to the present. Her fam would be waking up and entering the console room any minute now. They were quite predictable. Humans and their routines. They always got up around the same time stumbling in here wide eyes and ready for an adventure. First Yaz then Ryan and finally Graham. Not that she blamed him for taking his time. He was older for a human and needed his rest. But then again he was a child compared to her. They all were. She was so old now.

"Doctor."

She blinked quickly plastering a grin on her face and spinning around to face Yaz. She was right on time.

"Yes?" she said racing around the controls.

She didn't bother looking at her friend fearing if she stopped even for a moment she would see. See right inside of her. See the very hearts of her.

"You just seemed lost in thought. It's not like you," Yaz said slowly.

The Doctor took it in her stride quite literally striding over to her. "Well, of course I was. There's so much to think about and do. These brains don't slow down you know!"

"Brains?" came Ryan's voice from the corridor as he entered the room.

"Yup," the Doctor replied fiddling with a dial.

She kept herself in motion as she launched into a speech, well a ramble, about Gleker 5 and how beautiful the sunsets their were. As the blue sun set the sky would turn all sorts of lovely shades of purple and green. It was magnificent to watch, and the colors were very far from anything close to orange or red. She'd find herself quite happy if she never saw another orange sky or pair of twins sun's in the sky of any planet again. They listened kindly to her ramblings but did little to hide the worried looks they kept giving each other. Her voice was just a bit too manic. Her gestures too enthusiastic. And her eyes held a look that was more crazed than wild.

"...so what do you think? Do you want to go?" the Doctor asked still beaming.

They looked at each other frowning.

"Let's wait for Graham," Yaz finally said.

"Course," the Doctor muttered shuffling her feet impatiently.

She was always impatient, but this was different. She was different. Something was wrong. Why wouldn't she look them in the eyes? The tension in the air was palpable, but the Doctor pretended not to notice. She continued on in a way that only she could.

Graham finally stumbled in looking half awake but content and ready for a new adventure. Even in his groggy state he realized immediately something was wrong.

"Graham, you're here finally now..." the Doctor went on at an impossibly fast pace but he got the gist. Something about Gleker 5 and a sunset.

"Slow down Doc, don't you think we should deal with the elephant in the room?" he said.

The Doctor paused only for a moment before resuming her activities which appeared to be endless fiddling with the controls.

"Now that's a phrase I've never understood because there's never an elephant in the room unless you're on-"

"Doctor."

This time the Doctor didn't just pause she stopped. Her back was turned as they felt a shift in her mood even without being able to see her face. She said one word.

"_Don't._"

The Doctor could be terrifying when she wanted to be. When someone crossed the line she could be downright cruel. Except this behavior was always directed at aliens who were hurting people never them. All of them pretended they didn't feel a sliver of fear make it's way down their backs at the time of her voice.

"Doctor-" whatever Graham had been about to say was silenced by the Doctor's now booming voice.

"I said don't." She whirled around to face him unbridled fury taking hold of her face. She took a step toward him. Yaz and Ryan were at his side but her intense gaze made him feel completely alone in the room. At his hurt and confused face she faltered for a second. She lowered her gaze but didn't turn away. "I'm fine," she insisted.

They didn't know what to do. She clearly wasn't fine but seemed adament against discussing what was wrong with them. Which didn't make sense they were her friends. She knew that.

"Doctor," Yaz said softly trying to catch her eyes. "We just want to help."

The Doctor's face softened. She knew that they just had her best interest at heart. They wanted to fix whatever was wrong with their broken doctor. But they couldn't fix this; no one could. History was repeating itself. It never ended, and the Doctor was caught up in the middle of it. The least she could do was shelter them from it and keep them safe. If she was selfish enough to keep companions the least she could do was look after them. Which meant not burdening them with her past or things like this. But how could she make them understand that.

"I know," she finally said. "I know you just want to help."

They didn't say anything or move to comfort her so she continued.

"So, can we please just go to Gleker 5 and watch the sunset today? Tomorrow you can pick I promise."

She could see the confusion in their eyes. What was so special about Gleker 5? The truth was nothing: it was just another distraction to occupy her thoughts and keep them from anything near Gallifrey and the Master. What she really needed to do was run faster than she had ever run before. Run until she left all the pain behind. Maybe that was impossible, maybe she couldn't do that but she could try. Try she would. Her eyes begged them to understand that she needed to do this. This was the only way she knew how to cope. The Doctor ran. That who she really was beneath it all.

She didn't think they understood, but they were nodding.

"Of course, Doc," Graham was saying and they were off.

She plugged in the coordinates and with a manic grin sent them hurtling towards their destination. Silently she thanked them as she flung the TARDIS doors open stepping out and into the bright light of a sun about to set. They were right behind her, and she realized that she may be the Last of the Time Lords once more but she was not alone.


	2. Chapter 2

It Never Ends

-NobleWriterofWho

**Author's Note: **This was going to just be a one shot but why not make it a little longer?

**Summary:** The Doctor was the Last of the Time Lords again. But this time it wasn't her fault...not that that made it any easier. Will she let her fam help her or suffer in silence?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who**

…...

She was trying. She really was. Things just weren't getting better The Doctor was almost considering re-evaluating her strategy. Running and never daring to look back wasn't working. But what else could she do? Everything and everyone changes, herself included, but not that much. Something that was so deeply rooted into who she was and always had been. It was her nature. Even when she was a child she'd ran.

The Untempered Schism.

She could still remember it vividly. Looking into it and the fear that had ensnared her. Captured her until she knew nothing else but how terrified she was. The need to escape. To outrun it. To outrun herself. It could have been worse. She could have gone mad. That's what seemed to be happening to her now.

Every day she took more risks, pushed herself a little further, almost daring the universe to-to what? Punish her. Make her pay for Gallifrey, for what the Master had done. It was her fault! She couldn't deny it. She should have stopped him. If she'd gone home sooner. She should have known. Somehow. And why had he done it? To make them pay for what he had discovered. He wasn't just mad; he had a reason. What he had found had really hurt him. Enough for him to destroy their home. The Timeless Child. She shook her head not wanting to think about it.

Should she go back? Maybe that's what she needed to do to get past this. Running isn't helping so maybe facing it will. She hadn't even stepped out of her TARDIS just flew away. Yaz had asked to visit her home. Could she take them with her? There was no way she could face it only. Was it right to even consider taking them with her? The destruction, the horror of it, it _would_ scar them. Sure they thought they'd seen terrible things and they had but this was different.

It was personal.

She gripped the console tighter. Her knuckles were turning white, but she hardly noticed. She needed to see it again. A part of her still couldn't believe it. Gallifrey lost again. After all she'd lost. It was wrong. So wrong. With her decision made she pried her hands off the console and materialized the TARDIS. Then she waited. She kept her back facing the doors

She didn't have to wait long. They bursted through the doors one right after the other. Excited coursing with energy at the prospect of another adventure. Once again she was reminded how young they were. All of them. Most of the time-since the Master anyway-she'd been pretending to have that same energy herself. To feel so full of life and be so young...she knew she wanted to feel that way but couldn't. After all she'd seen and done she had not right. Why did she pretend? For their sakes because she was afraid they wouldn't accept her as she was. She knew they wouldn't. She couldn't believe she was doing this.

"Well, what have you got for us this time Doc-" Graham started but stopped when she turned to face them.

One look at her face was all it took. She knew she must not look very good. She was hoping it wasn't that bad but still. She was pale, and her face was shiny from sweat. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept. Or eaten anything except a biscuit. It didn't matter. Right now she had to do this.

"Are you alright, Doctor?" Yaz said approaching her slowly like she might scare her away if she moved any quicker. "You look sick."

The Doctor ignored her question moving to dematerialize them and put in the coordinates for...for Gallifrey.

"You've been worried about me," she said looking up from the controls. "I'm going to show you why I've been so-so off recently."

She paused letting her words sink it. They looked relieved at her decision. Soon they'd regret it

"But I warn you it won't be pleasant. So if anyone doesn't want to see it..."

Ryan stepped forward. "If you want to show us whatever it is we want to see it. We're there for you."

Yaz and Graham nodded their agreement. She nodded to herself, and at that moment they arrived. She made her way to the doors, and with them behind her, she opened them. Ready to face the sight before her because she was not alone.


End file.
